


Exhausted.

by partyclowns



Series: Whose Line Shorts [1]
Category: Whose Line Is It Anyway? RPF
Genre: Denial of Feelings, M/M, No Dialogue, Self-Reflection
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-04-29
Updated: 2019-04-29
Packaged: 2020-02-09 13:20:02
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,134
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18638911
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/partyclowns/pseuds/partyclowns





	Exhausted.

Colin sat across from him, his legs crossed and his chin in his hand. He stared out of the window in silence while the birds chirped. It was too early. Not even eight in the morning and they hadn't gotten a lot of sleep the night before. Mostly because of the show the night before which took a lot longer than usual.

Ryan rubbed his eyes and when he removed his hands Wayne stood there with a cup of coffee, offering it to him. He gladly accepted, nodding as if to say "thank you" and sipped it. Coffee had become his lifesaver as he got older. He was nearing his fifties which terrified him but at the same time life seemed to be getting better as he aged. At least he had his closest friends and his family there with him. That's all that really mattered.

He wasn't one to voice his fears, instead he kept them to himself or made a joke about them. That's really what being a comedian was about. Turning your own pain into something others can laugh at, or at least that's what he taught himself. Not only that but everyone on the show made fun of each other for their insecurities like it was nothing. Besides, those weren't the ones they really worried about.

He also had a lot of fears he didn't know about. Ones he couldn't pinpoint. It didn't make sense to him, but he was sure other people had this problem. It wasn't important. He had other things to worry about. Things like getting home to his wife and kids and taking care of them and himself. He needed to keep his priorities straight and that's what he planned on doing.

Colin seemed to be just as deep in thought as Ryan was. He was curious about what Colin could be thinking about. His wife? His child back at home? Maybe wondering when filming would be over? They'd been friends for years and yet it was still difficult to read the other's emotions. They weren't twins, so there was that, but Ryan wanted to be there for Colin. He wanted to comfort him when he was sad, celebrate whatever was worth celebrating with him, and everything else. He loved him. After all, he was his best friend.

Still, he didn't say a word. Instead they all sat in that familiar silence and drank their coffee. Something they'd done so much it became strange to do without each other around. They weren't a band on tour or anything, but they were together all the time because of several different shows and also given that they were all a part of each other's personal lives.

Wayne was the first to break the silence, only he spoke to Drew quietly. They laughed at something no one else knew about and the others kept quiet. Colin occasionally glanced at Ryan with furrowed brows, but they didn't interact. They just exchanged glances. It really got Ryan thinking about their friendship. They didn't need to use words to speak, they just needed to shoot each other a look and they understood each other. Maybe he could read his emotions better than he thought, or maybe not and the looks meant nothing.

When Greg joined them the silence disappeared, being replaced by chatter. He always managed to start a conversation, maybe something about politics or just something he had on his mind. They talked about a future show they'd have together. They'd known each other since the England days, all collectively making fun of Clive Anderson and being annoying to the British people. It was safe to say that they could relate more to Greg who was around their age, rather than the others like Wayne, Brad, and Jeff to name a few.

That didn't mean anything. They were all friends despite the age differences. It didn't matter because they put on a fantastic show and made people laugh all the time. Even made a few people swoon, but that was all due to the fact that they all had a specific charm to them, or maybe it was just the fact that they were funny. They'd never know and they'd never care.

For some reason today wasn't one of the days where Ryan could sit around doing nothing. At least not with other people around. He got up and excused himself, deciding to go walk around alone. He needed to be alone. It gave him a chance to really think and it wasn't fun being the same room with the same people for so long no matter how much you loved them.

He felt a little guilty for not asking Colin to join him. He could tell Colin needed this too, but maybe he needed to actually be alone. He justified it and moved on, though his brain had other plans. He couldn't get his friend off his mind. Memories flowed through his mind like a river of happiness meeting an ocean of sadness. Something felt wrong, but it was something he couldn't pinpoint. It irked him, but he was so used to it he forced himself to ignore it.

The feeling was familiar, but unwelcome. He recognized it from times when he and Colin were close on stage, or in other places. He didn't realize it was denial of his real feelings rather than silly doubts. The problem was that he could never face these feelings for if he did, everything he ever knew would be ruined and his life would be changed forever. Would it even be for the better?

He buried it deep inside and took a deep breath before going back inside to talk with his costars. He never let it affect his relationships and this was one pain he never shared with anyone. Not even with his wife. It was something he kept private, to himself, and never let a soul hear. He considered talking to Colin, but he had no idea if the man would know what he was trying to say or if he'd just sound insane. He didn't want it to be misunderstood as well. There was too much at risk and it just wasn't worth it. He'd live in discomfort if it meant everyone else could be content.

When he entered the room they greeted him with smiles and curious looks. They seemed to be in the middle of a conversation when he walked in so he gave a quiet apology and sat down in his seat. "As I was saying..." Drew began and Ryan listened, joining the conversation when appropriate. He behaved normally, not giving them a hint of the discomfort he felt. He knew how to hide it all to well and he could thank years of practice for that.


End file.
